Lesson 60 · Unit 10 · Through the Valley Together
Discerning the Season
The same true sentence, set down in the wrong season, turns into a stone.
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Have you ever killed a plant? Not by forgetting to water it — by trying too hard: fertilizing it in dormancy and burning the roots; giving it full sun right after a repotting and watching the leaves go limp. Good water, good fertilizer, wrong season.
It works the same way with people. A true sentence, a good verse, a sound piece of doctrine, dropped into the wrong season, becomes what Proverbs calls taking away a garment in cold weather, or vinegar on soda. Last lesson we learned to hand over our ears; this lesson we learn to look — to see clearly which season the person across from us is living in, and then to decide what this season calls for you to do, to say, and to wait for.
Scripture
The Preacher counts fourteen pairs of "a time"; Proverbs draws a picture of the wrong season; Jesus demonstrates speaking by season himself. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11; Proverbs 25:20; John 16:12, WEB)
1For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:
2a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
...
11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in their hearts, yet so that man can’t find out the work that God has done from the beginning even to the end.
20As one who takes away a garment in cold weather, or vinegar on soda, so is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
12“I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t bear them now.
See
Seasons are God's design, not an obstacle in the road
The Preacher counts out fourteen pairs of "a time" in one breath: born and dying, planting and pulling up, weeping and laughing, silence and speech — and then lands on a single line: "He has made everything beautiful in its time." Seasons are not chaos. They are design. God himself acts by seasons: "when the fullness of time came," and only then did he send his Son (Gal 4:4). Jesus too spoke by season: "I still have many things to tell you, but you can't bear them now." Even the Lord made flesh was willing to leave what could not be said yet to the Spirit's slow leading (John 16:13) — while we keep trying to talk someone all the way through in a single afternoon. Discerning the season is not being slick. It is imitating a patient God — who also comes to you one season at a time.
How a good song turns into vinegar
Proverbs gives us a picture of the wrong season: "As one who takes away a garment in cold weather, or vinegar on soda, so is one who sings songs to a heavy heart." The song is not wrong. The season is. Stripping someone's clothes off in the cold takes away covering exactly when they most need covering; vinegar poured on soda produces nothing but froth. You have probably seen the modern version: someone newly laid off hears "everything happens for a reason"; someone newly bereaved receives a page of encouragement. The verse is true and it lands like a stone. At one and the same funeral, Jesus said to Martha, "I am the resurrection and the life," and then turned to face Mary and said not one word of doctrine — he wept (John 11:25, 35). The season of weeping asks for someone to sit down, which was last lesson's assignment; in the season of hearing, words finally have somewhere to land. Truth has no expiration date, but it does have a planting season.
Three questions to ask yourself first
Before you speak, run three checks in your head. One: is this person crying, or asking? Someone in tears is in "a time to mourn" — pass the tissues, be present. Someone who has started asking questions has walked into "a time to speak." Two: is this something they can carry, or something I can't hold in? A great deal of "encouragement" is really us unable to bear the silence, unable to bear our own helplessness, reaching for a line of doctrine to make ourselves feel better. Three: if I said this three months from now, what would be lost? If the answer is "nothing," then be with them now and speak later. Seasons do turn — the Preacher guarantees it: there is a time to weep, and there is also a time to laugh. You do not have to run ahead of God's calendar.
Deeper
A season and a time
everything under heaven has a season God appointed; recognizing seasons is the first step of wisdom coming down into daily life (Eccl 3:1, 11).
The damage of the wrong season
singing to a heavy heart equals stripping clothes in the cold, vinegar on soda: right content plus wrong timing produces a wounding reaction (Prov 25:20).
"You can't bear them now"
Jesus rationed truth to what his disciples could carry, leaving the rest to the Spirit; whoever speaks must trust God to keep speaking (John 16:12-13).
The fullness of time
God himself acts by seasons: "when the fullness of time came, God sent out his Son" (Gal 4:4).
Story
Sister Ye is a counselor at a university and also walks with students in the fellowship there. In her first year she came badly unstuck: a girl's father was killed in a traffic accident, and Sister Ye immediately brought her a copy of Thirty Days of Counting Your Blessings, with "in everything give thanks" inscribed on the flyleaf. The girl accepted it, and never came to fellowship again. Her pastor did not scold her. He simply sent her back to Ecclesiastes 3 to count those fourteen pairs of "a time," one pair at a time.
The second year, another student's mother was diagnosed with cancer. This time she brought no booklet at all. After evening study she carried over a bowl of hot beef noodles and sat downstairs at his dorm while he ate it. For the next two weeks she sent one line a day: "I prayed for your mother today." After two weeks the student spoke first: "Can I ask you something — is God in this?" They talked that night until the dorm lights went out. He said later: that bowl of noodles lasted longer than any argument.
Respond
Reflect — alone, or talk it through together
1Have you ever received a true sentence in the wrong season? What did you actually need at that moment?
2Of the three questions — are they crying or asking? can they carry it or can I not hold it in? what would be lost if I said it in three months? — which one goes straight through you, and why?
3Think of someone you are walking with: which season are they in right now? What might God be doing in that season?
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Pray together
God who has made everything beautiful in its time: thank you that you never hurry me, and never come collecting in my winter. Forgive the things I have said out of good intentions and in the wrong season. Teach me to look at the person before I open my mouth, and to ask you before I judge. Give me the Preacher's eyes and give me your patience — so that the people I walk with may meet your beauty inside their own season. Amen.
Walk
This week's actionabout 15 min
Do one "season reading" for someone you are walking with: write down your answers to the three questions, and then do only one thing that fits their season — in a season of weeping, a meal or an hour of sitting together; in a season of hearing, arrange one real conversation.
Mark it when it happens — this week, at your pace.
Spiritual practice
This week, before you send any "word of encouragement" (especially by message), run the three questions first. If it doesn't pass, don't send it — pray one sentence for them instead.
Memory verse · Ecclesiastes 3:11
Hehasmadeeverythingbeautifulinitstime.
Walk further
the fourteen pairs of "a time" counted by the writer of Ecclesiastes, the two different responses at Lazarus' tomb to Martha and to Mary, the theme of wisdom, and the Life Transitions reading plan prepared for people changing seasons.