Lesson 63 · Unit 10 · Through the Valley Together
Spiritual Friendship
Jonathan's ministry: he strengthened his friend's hand in God.
Open
"Call me any time you need anything." We have all said it on the way out of a meeting, and we have all had it said to us. The sentence is warm, it is proper — and it is almost never cashed in: the people who actually need something can't get the words out, and the people who said it aren't necessarily waiting by the phone.
The trouble is not that the sentence is insincere. It is that we have turned friendship into a customer-service model: contact when there's a problem, otherwise everybody gets on with their own life. The hotline is always open, and nobody ever dials.
The finest friendship in the Bible runs in exactly the opposite direction. Jonathan heard that David was in the wilderness of Ziph — where hunted men hide — and he did not wait for David to ask for help. He got up and went.
Scripture
A visit paid in the wilderness, and the arithmetic Ecclesiastes does for friendship. (1 Samuel 23:15-18, WEB)
15David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph in the woods.
16Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David into the woods, and strengthened his hand in God.
17He said to him, “Don’t be afraid, for the hand of Saul my father won’t find you; and you will be king over Israel, and I will be next to you; and Saul my father knows that also.”
18They both made a covenant before Yahweh. Then David stayed in the woods and Jonathan went to his house.
9Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.
10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up.
11Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one keep warm alone?
12If a man prevails against one who is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
See
Arose, and went into the wilderness
At this point David is a wanted man nationwide, hiding in the woods of the wilderness of Ziph, with "Saul come out to seek his life" (1 Sam 23:15). Anyone who visits him becomes a suspect. And the one who goes is Jonathan, the crown prince — who by the world's arithmetic is looking at the man taking his throne. The text uses only two verbs: "arose," and "went to David into the woods." He did not wait for David to ask. He did not arrange to meet on safe neutral ground. The first mark of spiritual friendship is right here: moving toward the other person's low place first. That is also the direction the gospel travels — while we were still in our wilderness, Christ had already risen and come to find us (Rom 5:8). Only people who have been sought like that learn to go seeking like that.
Strengthened his hand in God
What did Jonathan do once he reached the woods? He did not hand over an escape route, and he did not slip him money for the road. The text says he "strengthened his hand in God" (23:16) — literally, he made his hand strong in God. And it tells us how: by reminding David of God's promise — "you will be king over Israel" (23:17). This is a spiritual friend's deepest skill: when you can't hold on to God, he puts your hand back into God's hand. Remember the fourth move of a companion — point to Christ (Lesson 24). A friend's success is not that the other person can no longer do without him; it is that the other person leans harder on God. Then, "they both made a covenant before Yahweh" (23:18): this friendship has God as its witness — it is not a relationship maintained only while both parties are useful.
From consuming to covenant
Our era is expert at turning everything into consumption, and friendship is no exception: we choose services by the speaker, small groups by the atmosphere, friends by whether they are "easy to talk to and good to have around." The marks of spiritual consumption are: I receive, I rate, and I can leave whenever I like. Spiritual friendship is covenantal instead: I show up, I hold on — especially in the seasons when you are no use at all. Ecclesiastes does the arithmetic for a friendship like that: someone to lift you when you fall, someone to keep you warm on a cold night, someone to stand with you when you are attacked. And "a threefold cord" reminds us that spiritual friendship is never only two people — the third strand is the Lord who is present. Moving from consuming to covenant starts small: find one or two companions of the same sex, set a fixed rhythm (one breakfast a month, one walk), and ask each other three real questions: How are you and God this month? How are things at home? Is there a temptation you don't dare name? Friendship usually starts with the first person willing to tell the truth.
Deeper
A visit in the wilderness (1 Sam 23:16)
spiritual friendship begins with "got up and went," not with "call me any time."
"Strengthened his hand in God"
literally, made his hand strong in God; a friend's deepest service is pointing a person to God.
A covenant before Yahweh (1 Sam 23:18)
biblical friendship is a covenant, not a transaction; it does not break up because the other person has become "no use."
A threefold cord (Eccl 4:12)
two make a pair, and with the Lord's presence there are three strands; spiritual friendship is never only two people.
Friends (John 15:15)
Jesus calls his disciples friends and lays down his life for his friends — the source and the pattern of every spiritual friendship.
Story
Lao Peng does home renovations and Lao Tan runs a noodle shop; they were baptized the same year at the same church. Eleven years ago they made a covenant: the last Tuesday of every month, six thirty in the morning, the corner table before the noodle shop opens, one bowl of beef noodles' worth of time, and three questions for each other — How are you and God this month? How are things at home? Is there a temptation you don't dare name?
The first year the questions felt awkward, like a census. In the fourth year, Lao Peng's business partner walked off with most of his savings; he told no one, and then he said it at the corner table. Lao Tan did not reach for his wallet (they had agreed long ago never to lend each other money). He pushed the bowl aside, opened to 1 Samuel 23 and read a few verses, and said, "When David was hiding in the wilderness, Jonathan went to find him. That's what I'm here for today." That morning they prayed until the first customer walked in.
Eleven years on, the questions are still the same three. Lao Peng says: "It isn't that the noodles are good. It's knowing that every month there's a table, with someone sitting at it who will ask for the truth and is willing to hear it."
Respond
Reflect — alone, or talk it through together
11 Samuel 23:16-18: what did Jonathan do in the wilderness, what did he say, and what did he not do?
2What is the difference between "strengthened his hand in God" and "made him depend on me for comfort"? Why does that difference matter?
3Do you have a friend with whom you can ask the three real questions? If not, who could you ask first?
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Pray together
Lord Jesus, who calls his disciples friends: you came to find me in my wilderness first, and put my hand back into the Father's hand. Save me from customer-service friendship — all courtesy and no cost. Give me one or two companions who can tell the truth, and make me the one who gets up and goes out to the wilderness first. May our cord be a threefold one: him, me, and you. Amen.
Walk
This week's actionabout 10 min
Think of one companion of the same sex you would like to go deeper with, and send a concrete invitation — time, place and frequency spelled out — and have your "three real questions" ready.
Mark it when it happens — this week, at your pace.
Spiritual practice
Talk with God once this week about the state of your friendships: which one has stalled at consumption, and which one is already a covenant. Give thanks for your "friend in the wilderness," or ask God for one.
Memory verse · Ecclesiastes 4:12
Athreefoldcordisnotquicklybroken.
Walk further
the life of Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi as another covenant-shaped walking together, the theme of covenant, Volume 1's Become a Companion, and a community reading plan you can walk through with a partner.