Lesson 72 · Unit 11 · Inside the Front Door
Whole, and Single
Being single is not a waiting room — Jesus was single, and so was Paul.
Open
"Such a lovely woman — how is she still not married?"
What hurts is not the whole sentence; it is that word "still." Late, delayed, unfinished — as though life ran to a standard timetable, and single people had missed the train, and everyone else were anxious on their behalf.
One word turns a way of living into a stretch of waiting. So single people get used to two tones of voice: the eager one ("let me introduce you to someone") and the sympathetic one ("hold on; God will provide"). Both are kindly meant, and both assume the same thing — that the you who exists right now is a half-finished product.
The Bible does not see it that way. Paul, who wrote half the letters in the New Testament, and Jesus, who saved the whole world, were both single.
Scripture
Paul calls singleness a freedom for undivided attention; Isaiah gives the childless a better name. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35, WEB)
32But I desire to have you to be free from cares. He who is unmarried is concerned for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;
33but he who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.
34There is also a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.
35This I say for your own benefit, not that I may ensnare you, but for that which is appropriate, and that you may attend to the Lord without distraction.
3Let no foreigner who has joined himself to Yahweh speak, saying, “Yahweh will surely separate me from his people.” Do not let the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree.”
4For Yahweh says, “To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, choose the things that please me, and hold fast to my covenant,
5I will give them in my house and within my walls a memorial and a name better than of sons and of daughters. I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off.
See
A gift, not a leftover
When Paul talks about singleness, the word he uses is "gift": "each man has his own gift from God, one of this kind, and another of that kind" (1 Cor 7:7) — marriage is a gift, and so is singleness, and neither one is the consolation prize. He counts out what this gift contains: free from cares, attending to the Lord, without distraction (7:32-35). This is not comfort called across a river; it is how he himself lived — Paul was single, and glad of it. Weightier still: Jesus was single. The most complete and most loving life in human history never married. If completeness required marriage, then our Lord was incomplete — and who would dare say that? He also redrew the boundaries of family: "whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother" (Matt 12:50).
A name better than sons and daughters
Isaiah 56 is written to the most hopeless group imaginable: eunuchs — without descendants, and shut out of the assembly. In a culture where the gravest failure of filial duty is to leave no heir, these verses are dynamite-grade comfort. God says: do not call yourself a dry tree; to those who hold fast to my covenant, "I will give them in my house and within my walls a memorial and a name better than of sons and of daughters. I will give them an everlasting name that will not be cut off" (Isa 56:5). A name carried on by children? God says, I will remember you myself. And the promise was honored very concretely: out on a desert road an Ethiopian eunuch understood the gospel and was baptized, and went on his way rejoicing (Acts 8) — the church has remembered him for two thousand years.
The church as home for single people
There are two pits a church needs to walk around. The first is making singleness pitiful: treating single members as a relief project and assembling matchmaking teams at every holiday — the church is to be a home for single people, not a dating agency. The second is making it holy: presenting singleness as a higher spiritual tier, where no one is allowed a sore spot. Scripture is far more honest: "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen 2:18) — loneliness is real, and single people have evenings when they want to be held. But God's answer to being alone is not marriage only; it is also community. At the church's table there should be a seat for them at the holidays, their names on the visiting list, and one fewer "still" in the greeting. For brothers and sisters who are dating, one sentence in passing (Lesson 69 said more): dating is the road toward a covenant, and the union of bodies belongs inside the covenant. As for the longing for marriage — it is nothing to be ashamed of; put it in your prayers. Only don't let "waiting for that day" steal "living today": completeness is not in the future, it is in Christ, and it counts now.
Deeper
Gift (1 Cor 7:7)
marriage and singleness are both gifts out of God's hand; there is no first-string and substitute here.
Free from cares (1 Cor 7:32-35)
the freedom of singleness is there to be spent on loving God and loving people wholeheartedly, not on proving anything.
A better name (Isa 56:5)
standing does not get carried on by children; it rests on God's remembering — "an everlasting name that will not be cut off."
A redrawn family tree (Matt 12:50)
whoever does the Father's will is Jesus' family; the church is a single person's home by full right.
Honest loneliness (Gen 2:18)
Scripture does not pretend loneliness does not exist; God's answer is community, and not marriage only.
Story
John Stott, rector of All Souls in London and one of the most respected Bible teachers of the twentieth century, never married. As a young man he had thought about a family of his own; later he became convinced that what God had given him was a call to singleness, and he poured that whole freedom from cares into service: pastoring a church, writing more than fifty books, traveling every continent to train preachers.
His home stood open year after year: batch after batch of young people were taught in his study, and dozens of spiritual children called him Uncle John. Asked whether he had regrets, he said God has not promised to grant every longing, but has promised that he himself is enough — he never felt he was a man without a family, because the church was his family.
When he died in 2011, the spiritual children gathered around his bed read Scripture to him and played his beloved Messiah. A man "without descendants" had a funeral filled with his own offspring.
(Historical; see Roger Steer, Basic Christian: The Inside Story of John Stott, 2009. Details condensed.)
Respond
Reflect — alone, or talk it through together
1In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, where does Paul point the freedom of singleness? How is that different from "single means nobody wanted you"?
2In Isaiah 56:3-5, what is God's answer to the "dry tree"? In a culture that prizes carrying on the family line, why is this passage dynamite-grade?
3In your church, are single members treated as family or as an item on the to-do list? What is one thing that could change next?
Saved on this device only — visible to no one but you.
Pray together
God who promised "a name better than of sons and of daughters": thank you that my completeness is not staked on marriage but on Christ. If I am single, rescue me from the small shame that hides under the word "still," and let me spend the freedom of being free from cares on loving you and loving people; on the lonely evenings, catch me in your household. If I am married, take the sympathetic tone out of my voice and teach me to treat single members as full family. All our names are written in your house. Amen.
Walk
This week's actionabout 10 min
If you are single, send one specific invitation to someone in your church (a meal, a walk — say the time and place plainly); a home is made by people coming and going. If you are married, invite a single member into your home for an ordinary family dinner, arrange no "chance encounters," and ask no questions that begin with "still."
Mark it when it happens — this week, at your pace.
Spiritual practice
Read Isaiah 56:5 slowly three times this week, putting your own name into it; then pray once that your church would be home for single people.
Memory verse · Isaiah 56:5
Iwillgivetheminmyhouseandwithinmywallsamemorialandanamebetterthanofsonsandofdaughters.
Walk further
Paul, single and on fire; the Ethiopian eunuch baptized in the desert; Amy Carmichael, who became Amma to hundreds of children; a prayer about identity in Christ; and Lesson 19 — why the church is a home.