Lesson 100 · Unit 15 · His Heart for the Nations
The Long Game at Home
Grief over your own flesh and blood can be simmered down into decades of tenderness.
Open
The morning you headed back after New Year, your mother stuffed things into your bag as usual: a bag of peanuts, two jars of chili paste, a stack of plastic bags she had saved. The night before, you had quietly slipped something in too — Psalm 23 copied out by hand, tucked under her pillow, in case she read it before sleeping.
Half an hour after the train pulled out, you felt a piece of paper in the side pocket of your backpack. You drew it out. It was the copied psalm, folded up neatly. Your mother had said nothing. She had simply given it back.
You stared out the window for a long time. Eight years a believer, and in the family photo you are still the only one who follows Jesus. You felt like crying, and could not say whether it was for her or for yourself.
Scripture
Paul's pain and his prayer for his own flesh and blood; Peter's road for a witness that has to last. (Romans 9:1-3; 10:1; 1 Peter 2:12, WEB)
1I tell the truth in Christ. I am not lying, my conscience testifying with me in the Holy Spirit
2that I have great sorrow and unceasing pain in my heart.
3For I could wish that I myself were accursed from Christ for my brothers’ sake, my relatives according to the flesh
1Brothers, my heart’s desire and my prayer to God is for Israel, that they may be saved.
12having good behavior among the nations, so in that of which they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good works and glorify God in the day of visitation.
See
This kind of pain is legitimate
Take one thing in first: the pain you feel over a relative's soul is legitimate. Paul wrote it down in black and white — "great sorrow and unceasing pain in my heart" — and even said that for his own flesh and blood he could wish himself accursed. Church rarely teaches us where to put a pain like that; it is not dignified, and your eyes sting the moment you mention it. Yet the greatest missionary in the Bible wrote it out in public. The pain does not have to be cured before you can pray; it can turn straight into prayer: "My heart's desire and my prayer to God is that they may be saved." To pray with that ache for ten years, for thirty, is not weak faith. It is deep love.
Three long refusals
Do not argue: 1 Peter 2:12 stakes the witness on conduct — "they may see your good works and glorify God." A war of words at the dinner table almost never turns anyone; winning the argument and losing the person is the commonest loss on this road. Do not give up: one prayer a day, naming the name, for decades. Monica pleaded and wept for her son Augustine for some thirty years — he left home, he indulged himself, he followed a heresy, and she prayed her way after him from North Africa to Milan. Bishop Ambrose comforted her: "The son of these tears shall not perish." That son became one of the most important teachers in the history of the church (see Augustine, Confessions, Book III). Do not take God's place: bringing someone to repentance is the Holy Spirit's work, not yours. You are responsible for loving, witnessing, praying. The timetable is in God's hands. Step down from the post of persuader, and the air at home often loosens first.
When the family pushes back
To be plain about it: some people have had their Bible taken away. Some are pressured every year about marriage. Some have heard, "Go to church again and I cut off your money." A few measures. Gentle and firm — you can keep a low profile about meetings, but you do not have to disguise your faith. You can tell the family at church what it costs you; let your pastor and the people walking with you know your situation, rather than carrying it alone. And if personal safety comes into it, remember the bottom line from Lesson 73: safety first. Remember this too: a family's opposition usually has worry and misunderstanding mixed into it. Reading it as "they do not know him yet," rather than as "they are against me," is both closer to the truth and easier on your tenderness.
Deeper
Legitimate sorrow (Rom 9:2)
"great sorrow and unceasing pain" over a relative's soul: this ache does not have to be cured first; it can turn straight into prayer.
The witness of conduct (1 Pet 2:12)
the loudest thing you say in a long game is the good work that makes no sound; the years will testify for you.
Not taking God's place
repentance is the Holy Spirit's work; you are responsible for love and prayer, and the timetable is in God's hands.
The son of these tears
Monica's thirty years of weeping: "The son of these tears shall not perish."
Story
Auntie Guixiang has lived most of her life in an old housing block in Xuzhou. She came to faith at fifty, and her husband, Lao Yue, went stony-faced on the spot: "You're old, and now you take up this." What followed was years of grinding: her Bible was put away on the top of the cupboard, he threw down his chopsticks when she went out on a Sunday, at a family gathering he announced in front of everyone that she had lost her mind.
Guixiang set herself three rules: do not answer back, do not stop praying, do not push him. In the ten minutes she stood in the kitchen boiling porridge each morning, she prayed one line for him by name. She said that line for twenty-one years. Lao Yue's mother was bedridden for eight years, and it was Guixiang who fed her spoonful by spoonful to the end; he watched, and said nothing. At seventy-four Lao Yue had heart surgery. The night he came home he lay with his back to her, and suddenly spoke: "When you pray... put me in." Last Easter he sat in the back row of the church, and halfway through the choir's song Guixiang heard the man beside her humming along under his breath.
Respond
Reflect — alone, or talk it through together
1In Rom 9:1-3 Paul writes the pain over his own flesh and blood this heavily — when was the last time somebody caught the ache you carry for your family?
2Of the three refusals (do not argue, do not give up, do not take God's place), which is hardest for you? Where exactly is it hard?
31 Peter 2:12 is about being seen — over the last six months, has your family seen more argument from you, or more conduct?
Saved on this device only — visible to no one but you.
Pray together
God who hears what I desire and ask for my own flesh and blood: I bring that name to you — you know who it is. Thank you for permitting me to hurt, and for catching the hurt. Save me from the addiction to arguing, and give me a tenderness that does not cool over the years. Do yourself what I cannot do, and loosen the soil down where I cannot see. Even if there are decades still to wait, let that one prayer of mine go on, day after day. Amen.
Walk
This week's actionabout 10 min
Write one prayer, by name, for the relative at home who does not believe (one or two sentences is plenty). Put it somewhere only you will see it, and say it once a day this week. You do not need to announce anything to your family.
Mark it when it happens — this week, at your pace.
Spiritual practice
Ask yourself one question each night before sleep: "What did they see in me today?" No self-reproach — just hand it over, and go to sleep.
Memory verse · Romans 10:1
Brothers,myheart'sdesireandmyprayertoGodisforIsrael,thattheymaybesaved.
Walk further
The widow who taught us to pray and not lose heart, the father who ran to meet the prodigal, Lesson 67 on letting your family see it, the theme of hope, and a prayer for the lost.