Lesson 123 · Unit 18 · Life Begets Life
The Broken Chain
Demas left Paul, disciples left Jesus — the Lord tasted the pain of a broken chain first.
Open
The greeting lists at the end of Paul's letters read like a roll call, and are really a thermometer of relationships. One name appears in three letters, a little colder each time.
The first is in the short letter to Philemon: "as do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers" (Phlm 24) — fellow workers, four names standing side by side. The second is at the end of Colossians: "Luke the beloved physician and Demas greet you" (Col 4:14) — Luke has an adjective in front of him; behind Demas there is nothing at all, just a bare name. The third is in the last letter Paul ever wrote: "for Demas left me, having loved this present world, and went to Thessalonica" (2 Tim 4:10).
From "fellow worker" to "left me," with no public falling-out in between — only a temperature dropping degree by degree. Most people who have walked with others recognize that road.
Scripture
The list Paul wrote down at the end of his life; and Jesus watching people leave, in the synagogue at Capernaum. (2 Timothy 4:10-11; John 6:66-68, WEB)
10for Demas left me, having loved this present world, and went to Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia; and Titus to Dalmatia.
11Only Luke is with me. Take Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service.
66At this, many of his disciples went back and walked no more with him.
67Jesus said therefore to the twelve, “You don’t also want to go away, do you?”
68Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life.
See
The list has a cold word in it, and it also has someone who came back
Notice Paul's restraint: he writes only the fact and the reason, with no curse in it, and he does not strike Demas' name out of his memory. There is another line in the same passage that often gets skimmed: "Take Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service" — that is the Mark who "had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia" and whose withdrawal split Paul and Barnabas apart (Acts 15:38; lesson 93). In one letter, one man leaves and another comes back. Read four verses further and Paul writes, "At my first defense, no one came to help me, but all left me. May it not be held against them" (2 Tim 4:16) — the man abandoned asking pardon for the ones who abandoned him. That is what a shepherd looks like after a chain breaks.
The Lord stood in this night first
John 6:66 is the quietest heavy blow in the Gospels: "many of his disciples went back and walked no more with him." Not one or two people taking offense — numbers of them, leaving. Jesus did not chase after them with a softer version. He did not take anything back, and he did not make it easy for them to stay for appearances' sake. He turned and asked the remaining twelve an extremely risky question: "You don't also want to go away, do you?" He does not bind people with guilt. Peter's answer is the answer of everyone who stays: "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life." The reason to stay was never "this is the most comfortable place." It is "nowhere else has the words of eternal life." So: when someone you led leaves, it does not prove you got it wrong. Even the one who was the Word made flesh has watched a crowd of backs walk away.
He left; that does not mean you failed
Four things need separating. First, the harvest is not scored to your account. The parable of the sower said long ago that there are four kinds of soil; you are the sower, not the Holy Spirit (lesson 108 dealt with this kind of waiting). Second, do not make a monster of the one who left. Paul wrote only facts, and facts are all you need to say — the way you speak about him to others will decide whether he ever dares to come back. Third, if what is involved is sin or harm done to someone, that is the church's business: follow the restoration process of lesson 88 and do not handle it privately on your own; and where there is crime, violence, or a danger to safety, call the police and get professional help rather than keeping it internal. Fourth, your own wound needs company. People who lead others really do hurt when they are left. Do not carry it alone — go to a pastor, go to your own companion, and say it out loud.
One last thing: the door is open. Mark came back. Praying over a long stretch of time for someone who has gone far away is love that did not break when the chain did.
Deeper
Demas (Phlm 24; Col 4:14; 2 Tim 4:10)
one name walking its whole road across three letters; leaving rarely happens in a day.
Leaving in numbers (John 6:66)
the Lord himself watched a crowd turn away, and he did not change the message to keep them.
"You don't also want to go away, do you?" (John 6:67)
he leaves people free to stay or go, and never binds them with guilt.
"May it not be held against them" (2 Tim 4:16)
the abandoned asking pardon for those who abandoned him; a shepherd's heart does not break when the chain does.
Story
Yayuan manages the raw-materials warehouse at a rice noodle plant in Liuzhou; she is thirty-seven. Three years ago a young woman fresh out of school came to faith in her workshop, and every Wednesday after work Yayuan read one lesson with her, starting from "you are known, and you are loved" and going on for a year and a half. Later the young woman transferred to another city — first video calls every other week, then a message at the end of the month, then nothing at all. Yayuan reached out three times; the last time, after a long delay, the answer came back: "Sis, I'm doing fine. I just don't really want to think about all that anymore."
For half a year she could hardly say the name out loud. Was it that I didn't teach it well enough? Was it that one time I spoke too harshly? Until one evening in her small group she finally cried, and an older sister did not tell her not to be sad. She only said: "It hurts because you really did love her. It hurt the Lord too."
Yayuan's prayer notebook still has that name in it, once a week. She says she no longer interrogates herself about what she did wrong, and she has not gone back to disturb the young woman either — she simply leaves the door open: "If she ever comes back, I'm still here."
Respond
Reflect — alone, or talk it through together
12 Timothy 4:10 and 4:11 sit right next to each other: one man left, one man came back. What does it say to you that both are in the same letter?
2Why did Jesus ask "You don't also want to go away, do you?" out loud (John 6:67)? When you lead someone, do you dare leave him that kind of freedom?
3The name in your heart that no longer walks with you — which is closest to what you feel about him now: self-blame, anger, or numbness? Are you willing to bring it to the Lord?
Saved on this device only — visible to no one but you.
Pray together
Lord who was still standing beside me the time everyone else left: you know the name in my heart. I will not pretend it does not hurt — it hurts because I really did love him. Do not let me condemn him in my heart, and do not let me pile all of it onto myself as my own failure. Watch over him where I cannot see, and treat him better than I ever did. If he has gone far, may your arm be longer than mine; if one day he wants to turn back, let him know the door is still open. And for this wound of mine, send someone to sit with me. Amen.
Walk
This week's actionabout 15 min
Think of someone who no longer walks with you, and do only two things — write his name into your prayer notebook and set a fixed frequency (once a week is enough); and tell a pastor or a fellow companion about the pain you have never spoken, and ask him to pray for you. **Do not** start any effort to "go and bring him back," and do not press him about why he left: an open door does not mean going out to pull someone in.
Mark it when it happens — this week, at your pace.
Spiritual practice
Say John 6:68 as your own words once a day this week — "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life." Steady your own feet first; only then can you hold anyone else up.
Memory verse · John 6:68
Lord,towhomwouldwego?Youhavethewordsofeternallife.
Walk further
Mark, the coworker who left mid-journey and returned to the list; the parable of the sower; lesson 36 on when he stumbles; the "shepherd leaves the ninety-nine" devotional; a prayer for the lost.